Although many scientists and historians disagree as to when exactly the Claus parasite first infected humanity, most agree that it began its most predominant spread as civilization grew. The Claus parasite is in itself generally harmless, though can easily cause social and economic havoc on a populous.
The Claus parasite has three stages. The first stage is the dormant phase. This phase has an incubation period anywhere from 10-11 months tending to hatch towards the end of Fall – usually late October or mid to late November. When it finishes its incubation cycle it enters the larval stage.
In the larval stage the parasite will psychically influence the host, causing them to begin strange habits. Symptoms of a human host under control of a Claus parasite include:
1. Urges to greet and smile at others on the street.
2. The desire to give up a large portion of their income to others either directly, or by purchasing and “gifting” food or goods.
3. A desire to gather with other infected in ceremonies they refer to as “Christmas parties”
4. An attraction to simplistic melodies.
5. An attraction to simple colors – especially red and green.
6. An attraction to small lights. Oddly enough this attraction extends only to small lights only. Larger and brighter lights are usually dimmed so that hundreds of smaller, more inefficient lights may be used for light. Houses are often covered with these lights as well.
The vast majority of humans manage resist the parasite enough to where it only exists at this stage. A small percentage of the population (estimated as less than 5%) cannot suppress this stage and the larva grows rapidly to the adult stage wherein it grows into one of two varieties: the common adult and the Claus adult.
Those humans possessed by the common adult stage are drawn to do great acts of charity through either donations of money, food, or time. Some of these common adults band together into a paramilitary organization completely designed with the sole goal of procuring small amounts of money from those possessed by the larval stage and redistributing it throughout society. While adults at this stage are relatively unable to communicate with each other, much less the larva, they indicate their goal by ringing bells. Interestingly enough these adults render their host nearly impervious to the elements – some have been seen bell ringing in sub-zero temperatures.
Less than 1% of the human population has the right mix of characteristics that permit the Claus parasite to fully develop into the Claus adult. The hosts of the Claus adults are often elderly men with beards and tend to be somewhat overweight if not slightly obese. If they are not they will wear prosthetic beards and “stuff” their clothing with pillows or other devices to make them appear overweight. The parasite causes them to be drawn to wearing bright red clothing with white trim, a matching pointed hat – often with a white ball at the point, and black boots. These men (and occasionally women) are often drawn to seek out young children. They make attempts to judge though psychic minds scan if the child has been naughty or nice. As they do so they also inquire from the child what sort of rewards they would like if they have been good.
The adults pass this information psychically to the child’s parents as well as to the master Claus parasite on Earth, known as the San-Ta. The San-Ta is psychically linked directly to all affected by the Claus parasite in a Hive mind, but can communicate most effectively with those affected by the Claus adult. San-Ta builds his energy up by absorbing the resonate energy released as humans feel good for the sake of doing kind things for others – hence some of the odd behaviors of those affected by the Claus parasite. When the larva and adults near the end of their life cycle, San-Ta uses this stored energy to move at supernatural speeds. He leaves his sanctuary – some postulated to be near the northern magnetic pole – and travels around the Earth to each home. As a means of conveyance and transport within the local region he has a sleigh pulled by several indigenous deer. With him he carries a sack which distorts both space and time, from which San-Ta can safely procure nearly any amount of food or manufactured goods.
As he approaches each home of those infected by the parasites he converts himself to energy and enters the home through any means possible – often the chimney but can pass directly through a wall. There he deposits gifts for those in the household who have been judged as on average being good through the last year. He also leaves small tokens to remind them that they have been bad at times. In the past this has been coal, but today it has more often become tube socks and underwear.
The following morning the parasites typically die off. The gifts that San-Ta leaves infects them with new parasites in the dormant phase. The feeling of implantation often causes over the next two to four weeks a desire for introspection and self-improvement in the host. Most often the “resolutions” fall away quickly as the parasite falls completely dormant.
Occasionally an adult does not die off. These adults will influence the host to continue with acts of charity regardless of the season. Some of the strongest adults cause the host to do extrodinary acts of kindness that shape whole cultures. While many refer to this as a fourth stage known as “saint,” it is simply the result of an adult Claus feeding off the energy released by these actions, much as the San-Ta does. Should a San-Ta die, the strongest adult on the planet will fake its death and become the new San-Ta. It is rumored that the last San-Ta died in late 1997 and was replaced by Mother Teresa, but such reports have been unsubstantiated.
So yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. You are likely already infected.
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