Mr. Caine

Dear Gun Rights Activists

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:06:52 GMT

Dear Gun Rights Activists,
I understand your desire to defend your right to bear arms. However bringing guns, especially a semi-automatic rifle, to any protest that is held anywhere near any president - especially the first black president - does more harm to your cause than good. Please attempt to think logically rather than passionately and your cause will be far better served in the long run.

Sincerely,
Someone who spent too much time laughing at you this morning.

Link Dump: How to Write a Resume

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:33:51 GMT

http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-write-a-resume-12-steps-to-your-next-job

Note to self: research IT guide for resumes for fac website

A Caring Equation

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:21:13 GMT

My care level for your problems can be best summed by the following equation:

-∞ * √(∞ * P + (A²-H)/M)

Where P is your personal opinion of the importance of the issue on a scale of 1 to 100, A is the number of alcoholic beverages I have consumed in the last H hours, and M is the number of minutes since the last beverage.

How many 5-year olds could you take in a fight?

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:52:27 GMT

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Site

Linux: Get Your Freedom

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 12:37:13 GMT

World Builder

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:58:25 GMT

Watch this and try not to cry. I dare you.

World Builder from Bruce Branit on Vimeo.

The Claus Parasite and the San-Ta Hive Mind

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 22:03:19 GMT

Although many scientists and historians disagree as to when exactly the Claus parasite first infected humanity, most agree that it began its most predominant spread as civilization grew. The Claus parasite is in itself generally harmless, though can easily cause social and economic havoc on a populous.

The Claus parasite has three stages. The first stage is the dormant phase. This phase has an incubation period anywhere from 10-11 months tending to hatch towards the end of Fall – usually late October or mid to late November. When it finishes its incubation cycle it enters the larval stage.

In the larval stage the parasite will psychically influence the host, causing them to begin strange habits. Symptoms of a human host under control of a Claus parasite include:

1. Urges to greet and smile at others on the street.

2. The desire to give up a large portion of their income to others either directly, or by purchasing and “gifting” food or goods.

3. A desire to gather with other infected in ceremonies they refer to as “Christmas parties”

4. An attraction to simplistic melodies.

5. An attraction to simple colors – especially red and green.

6. An attraction to small lights. Oddly enough this attraction extends only to small lights only. Larger and brighter lights are usually dimmed so that hundreds of smaller, more inefficient lights may be used for light. Houses are often covered with these lights as well.

The vast majority of humans manage resist the parasite enough to where it only exists at this stage. A small percentage of the population (estimated as less than 5%) cannot suppress this stage and the larva grows rapidly to the adult stage wherein it grows into one of two varieties: the common adult and the Claus adult.

Those humans possessed by the common adult stage are drawn to do great acts of charity through either donations of money, food, or time. Some of these common adults band together into a paramilitary organization completely designed with the sole goal of procuring small amounts of money from those possessed by the larval stage and redistributing it throughout society. While adults at this stage are relatively unable to communicate with each other, much less the larva, they indicate their goal by ringing bells. Interestingly enough these adults render their host nearly impervious to the elements – some have been seen bell ringing in sub-zero temperatures.

Less than 1% of the human population has the right mix of characteristics that permit the Claus parasite to fully develop into the Claus adult. The hosts of the Claus adults are often elderly men with beards and tend to be somewhat overweight if not slightly obese. If they are not they will wear prosthetic beards and “stuff” their clothing with pillows or other devices to make them appear overweight. The parasite causes them to be drawn to wearing bright red clothing with white trim, a matching pointed hat – often with a white ball at the point, and black boots. These men (and occasionally women) are often drawn to seek out young children. They make attempts to judge though psychic minds scan if the child has been naughty or nice. As they do so they also inquire from the child what sort of rewards they would like if they have been good.

The adults pass this information psychically to the child’s parents as well as to the master Claus parasite on Earth, known as the San-Ta. The San-Ta is psychically linked directly to all affected by the Claus parasite in a Hive mind, but can communicate most effectively with those affected by the Claus adult. San-Ta builds his energy up by absorbing the resonate energy released as humans feel good for the sake of doing kind things for others – hence some of the odd behaviors of those affected by the Claus parasite. When the larva and adults near the end of their life cycle, San-Ta uses this stored energy to move at supernatural speeds. He leaves his sanctuary – some postulated to be near the northern magnetic pole – and travels around the Earth to each home. As a means of conveyance and transport within the local region he has a sleigh pulled by several indigenous deer. With him he carries a sack which distorts both space and time, from which San-Ta can safely procure nearly any amount of food or manufactured goods.

As he approaches each home of those infected by the parasites he converts himself to energy and enters the home through any means possible – often the chimney but can pass directly through a wall. There he deposits gifts for those in the household who have been judged as on average being good through the last year. He also leaves small tokens to remind them that they have been bad at times. In the past this has been coal, but today it has more often become tube socks and underwear.

The following morning the parasites typically die off. The gifts that San-Ta leaves infects them with new parasites in the dormant phase. The feeling of implantation often causes over the next two to four weeks a desire for introspection and self-improvement in the host. Most often the “resolutions” fall away quickly as the parasite falls completely dormant.

Occasionally an adult does not die off. These adults will influence the host to continue with acts of charity regardless of the season. Some of the strongest adults cause the host to do extrodinary acts of kindness that shape whole cultures. While many refer to this as a fourth stage known as “saint,” it is simply the result of an adult Claus feeding off the energy released by these actions, much as the San-Ta does. Should a San-Ta die, the strongest adult on the planet will fake its death and become the new San-Ta. It is rumored that the last San-Ta died in late 1997 and was replaced by Mother Teresa, but such reports have been unsubstantiated.

So yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. You are likely already infected.

Cartoon Network Makes History

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 15:15:49 GMT

Seriously folks - this takes balls.

Number One Advice for Surviving the Holidays

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 13:54:45 GMT

Alcohol. Cheep and in high quantities.

Act now and it'll be here by Yule

WARLORD

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:09:25 GMT

First cup

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 13:47:23 GMT

First cup of coffee I've really had in about two (three?) weeks.

Should the world be moving this fast or is it me?

Ohh~ I need a twitter.

I wonder if they have a twitter app for iPod

Roleplaying with Kids

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 13:44:27 GMT

Quick note so I don't forget it latter.

Blog I read posted a story about roleplaying with kids & had a link to fuzzy heroes. Need to order this tonight.

It's for Me

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 18:45:47 GMT

I'm out in my office, working on homework when the phone rings - indicating a page from the other handset. I pick up and say "Hey" into the reciever.

Except for the television in the background, silence.

I try again "Hello?"

Silence.

"Hello?" I try a third time, drawing out the last syllable.

My nine month old finally answers with "Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"

What Would You Do With $700 Billion?

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 11:55:15 GMT

I'm sitting here expertly avoiding my responsibilities and listening to CNN. Bono (of U2 fame) is on and for some ungodly reason he's apparently an expert on what we could be doing with the with the money we are about to give to the banking industry because they don't know how to do little things such as... well... run the banking industry.

I could tolerate this interview if it were not Bono. First off Bono has to be one of the biggest asses ever. I think I about died laughing with the South Park episode with the world's largest turd. My chief complaint here is that here is a celebrity who is simply a celebrity. He is famous not for environmental action or helping to dig wells in Africa. No... He's famous for being a whiny-ass singer that's been around far too long. U2 should have disbanded BEFORE One Love. Bono does good for the world - he raises awareness through money (which is good) and showing up to shake hands with poor kids. This does not make him an "expert" on social issues. This makes him a mascot. I'd wager that if U2 spent the sale of their next album to end poverty I wouldn't have to listen to Bono on CNN.

Anyway... I'm honestly just tired of celebrities telling me what to do, what to think, and how to live my life. Hell in my own personal political debate it's part of why I'm not 100% sure about Obama - I just can't respect the first presidential candidate endorsed by the big O.

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:09:02 GMT

Playing with linux & virtual box.

Check it

You have been warned

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 15:19:09 GMT

"Look," I sigh. "It's a Friday afternoon and I can see where this is going, so why don't we just cut to the chase? We get calls from concerned users like yourself upon occasion and I'll tell you what I tell them: When it comes to an administrator's interest in your affairs you're competing against the rich tapestry of the internet - and losing. The only thing that can possibly be done to engage our interest in you is for you to complain about your lack of privacy - because then we start wondering what the hell it is you have that you don't want us to see. And before you know it the administrator concerned has passed you on to someone such as myself whose sole purpose is to keep you talking long enough to fire off a backup of the contents of your hard drive."

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 15:21:31 GMT

Random Song

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 00:56:36 GMT

My Dad's a Dork (Sung to: the Lion Sleeps Tonight)
Note: A work in progress... music video forthcoming

Chant:
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork
My dad's a dork

Since I was a baby
A little baby
My daddy was a dork
Since I was a baby
A little baby
My daddy was a dork

Chant +
He~ is so geeky
He~ likes D&D

Then there's mommy
My lovey mommy
She married the big dork.
Yes my mommy
My lovey mommy
Is also a big dork

Chant +
They~ watch anime
They~ use Linux every day

I love my mommy
And my daddy
Even though they're dorks
And even though I
Won't date 'till 30
I'm glad I am a dork!

(hey! hey!)

Chant+
We~ like to do our own thing
We~ are weird and that's ok!
Chant +
We~ are a dorky family
And I~ want to be just like daddy!

It's just not right yo

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 00:11:07 GMT

So tonight the wife and I decide on chinese for dinner. So we load up in the van with Little Man and head to our favorite buffet. Now this buffet is our favorite for three major reasons:

1) Price is good
2) Food is better
3) Many cute waitresses

This bitch session is in regards to #3 - the cutest of the ones there tonight gives little man Allll~ sorts of attention. Even a little kiss when we left!

</jealous>

It's so funny it's illegal

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:15:57 GMT

Right - so I'm back in my home town last night in a vain attempt to see people I like and instead end up visiting family. I duck out from all that for a bit and go visit the local gaming store. I'm in there and though this store is by no means my old stomping ground I'm recognized from a guy from back in the proverbial day.

We're hanging out, when three kids come in. One was *maybe* 21, the others were lucky if they were 17. The proprietor of the game shop is visibly annoyed, although they are customers (of a sort). He asked one if he needs to smell his breath and he sarcasticly blows in the general direction of the shop owner.

Time goes on, and they ask if a few of their friends have been in including one they called "Hippy."

Owner: "Yeah Hippy was here, and he left."

Kid 1: "When did he leave?"

Owner: "About an hour ago and he was pissed at you guys."

Kid 2: "Why was he pissed?"

Owner: "Because he wanted to get drunk with you guys."

Kid 1: "We haven't even been drinking yet! We're doing that after we leave here."

Me: "Hi guys, I don't think we've met. I'm Office Caine with the state police."

Older kid: (suddenly standing up VERY straight) "Hello Office I'm (I was laughing too hard in my brain to pay attention now.")

I turn my gaze to Kid 1: "And your minor friends?"

Kid 1 (shitting his pants): "I'm uh..."

I couldn't take it at that point. I was going to DIE laughing.

The above story is about 99% true :)

I blame the inter

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:27:27 GMT

From the sjgames forums:

MIB2826: Ahhh. The good old days. When real men were real men. And real women were real women. And small furry animals were real small furry an animals.

Skunk: Now, men aren't very manly, women are usually men, and small furry animals are guys in suits. I blame the internet.

P.A.G.A.N & Card games

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:19:02 GMT

Looking for better ways to make prototype decks of PAGAN, and found this instructable: http://www.instructables.com/id/SRA32C8F3B4B2LG/. Had a good link to some software here: http://www.nand.it/nandeck/

I Can Just Finger You

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:01:47 GMT

As rydain requested in her comment below, I shall now relay the finger story - I'd do it as a reply but its funny enough to warrant its own post IMHO. I've embeleshed the story slightly to make it more humerous. And remember rydain - this was from your freshman year so its understandable you don't remember.

If I remember right she was in class and overheard a young CS student flirting with a lovely young female-nongeek. They chatted and exchanged email addresses. As they were getting ready to part company, she asked if he also wanted the phone number for her room so he could call her sometime. He smiled, eager to impress her with his knowledge of the school UNIX system.

"That's ok - if I want your phone number I can just finger you and get it"

He was able to avoid the inevitable slap by quickly explaining the UNIX finger command.

Rambling Updates

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 01:56:23 GMT

First and foremost: Little Man now has a tooth. The tooth is small, hard, and sharp. You can already tell that he takes after his father on this part - the little bugger feels it'll rend flesh at will.

It warms the heart.

And in other news: I will officially be teaching two (count 'em - two) classes this fall. Advanced Linux and Windows Server Intro. I am conflicted on this one. Pros: We're talking about an extra $1k a month for ranting 6 hours a week and using "you should have read the book" as a cop-out. The Linux class will be great because over half the class are people that I'm pretty friendly with - two co-workers (my apprentice and my "go do it" bitch), my Tickle-Me-Emo lesbian, and a few other favorites from the Intro to Unix class. There are a few strangers in the mix as well.

On the down side, the time commitment may well kill me or my wife. That's 6+ hours a week I'm away from her and little man, and 6+ hours less sleep I get. I won't be able to cook fancy meals as much as I do, or do dishes, or laundry, or go to pagan social nights. To make things more fun, one of the guys in the Win-deosn't class is a know-it-all jackass who feels like he's "entitled" to his grade. As he was with my last class, he's in for a surprise. On top of that, Kane-kiddo, the perpetually down-on-her-luck workstudy and my sole supervisee on the helldesk is in there. Words cannot express how much I dread her in there.

Moving on into the realms of paganism, there's a new pagan shop in town. This one really seems bent more on service and community more than sales and profit. About 90% of their inventory is priced roughly half of what other local shops charge and they really get into social settings stuffs. The hours are wonkey, but they work for my general non-day-off schedule. Its definitely gotten my wife and out more and back into our olde time religions.

Also, seems the woman ~~to blame~~ who helped get my wife and I together and her perpetual life-partner are moving down. It'll be kind of nice having some people we've already got history around that we only have to drive about 20 minutes to visit, rather than an hour. On top of that, it gives my wife someone to visit while I'm teaching the above classes.

And speaking of old friends, I was doing a bit of ego surfing the other week and while in general I came up with naught on my real name, nor my current nom de electriqué, but I did get a hit from WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back - the WLFPA Teen Boards days - back from when I was dating O', when I got fired from the movie rental place for being a pagan, and when I even had the chance to go on the People's Court. The hit was a links page from a friend of mine from the WLFPA board and scrolling down I found one for another friend who went by rydain.

Now at the risk of making my wife jealous, rydain blush, or her husband mad I'm going to wax nostalgic. I had a bit of... I won't call it a crush, but I guess minor romantic idolization of her. She's just about the same age as me, and she was into a lot of the same stuff I was into. WItty, pretty, and smart. I still tell the "finger" story she overheard while in college. And what do you know, a brief bit of google led me to many of her walk-throughs, etc although I've gotta say it took me a few tries to ensure I actually found a girl :-P

Now I didn't go all semi-stalkerish because of any latent romantic desires - far from it. It's just nice to reconnect to people that used to be a bit of my online family & friends.

And now to wrap things up: I'm getting a new computer for work. It's not quite what I feel I need to do my job to the best of my abilities, but its a step in the right direction - quadcore 2.3 Ghz with 4GB DDR3 ram. A few upgrades latter and this thing will be nice~ I can't wait to put fedora on this and ~~see how Quake runs~~ set up virtual servers to test my scripts in the network.

Anyway kids, that's it for the night.

Manah Manah

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:10:38 GMT